#1 broke up with me. Fucked me. Right after, said, “That was probably our last time. We need to talk soon.” Broke up with me two days later. Said he loved me and suggested I wait for him since he won’t be in any relationships blah blah.
I am immensely hurt. He barely talks or thinks bout me. He’s rude when he does talk to me. He does not love me. He never did. I stood up for him all this time. I am just another girl. I am nothing.
I slept with Connor this weekend. Didn’t really want to.
My feelings are so hurt over #1 and Hunter. And one of bffs is mad at me. And I just don’t like this week.
I just want to drink.
#1 came home I guess like a week or so ago, and we were okay. But last night he said we need to talk when the time is appropriate.
I’m so torn up about it. In reality, c’mon now. I gave up Hunter. Hunter treated me like a princess despite the drunkness. (and lying) I did everything to keep #1. I have been faithful, but every fucking time I try to do something good, it NEVER fucking pays off. I have never slept so awfully in my life. After he said, “Sleep well tonight.” after dropping that damn bomb. Like what am I supposed to do here? Last night I kept thinking that I should’ve slept with Connor. #1 and I should have broken up early (that was never what I wanted) . I want to get fucked up this weekend. Next week is fall break. I expect spend half of it fucked up and the other half fucking and maybe the weekend to go down to see #1.
Because I just can’t handle this.
It’s awful! I’ve known of it, and yes, I did lead him on because he did the same to me. He had a girlfriend, would constantly meet up with her after they broke up. He is a COMPULSIVE liar!
Aside from all of that, I did like him. He was cute, and we had a TON of fun together. Hiking, fishing, laying around the fire… It was great! About two weeks, though, Connor began talking to me, and I just completely lost feelings for everyone. All I could think of was Connor. That is all I wanted to do too. Which is what I did until he began being a jerk and ignoring me.
The preceding weekend, I got drunk with this cowork of mine. His name is Hunter. And we were FUCKED UP. His cousin was there, who is only less than a year younger than me. He was so cute. So drunk. So was I. All I wanted to do was talk to him all night although I knew I was there with Hunter. I wasn’t going to do anything with his cousin. Hunter wouldn’t quit like holding my waist and crap. I WAS PISSED. He wanted to talk the whole night about “us” and I wanted to talk to his cousin. Eventually, I snuck down stairs into bed with his cousin. Now the entire night, Hunter told his cousin to make the moves on me. But would get pissed when he did? So when I snuck downstairs to just TALK to his cousin, Hunter turned on the light, and was PISSED, so his cousin would back off of me and be all like, “WHOA WHOA WHOA, YOU CAN HAVE HER MAN.” And I was like, “WTF?! We weren’t doing anything!” So Hunter kept calling me a stupid bitch and all this stuff. He made out with my window blah blah blah. The next day, Hunter and I talked and agreed we wouldn’t like talk anymore like that.
This weekend though, he told his cousin that he was bringing a girl and that his cousin should invite me. I went and no girl was there, so I imagine Hunter was lying. Hunter was more fucked up than he has ever been. He was running around and kept falling down. I had to help babysit because I was sober too. His cousin was fucked up too, but he is tolerable and nice. Hunter is just a dick and kept calling me a bitch. Eventually when me and his youngest cousin CARRIED HIM TO THE COUCH, I hugged him to tell him to be safe and have a good night. He kissed my cheek, and asked for me to talk to him. He like admitted his feelings for me. Told me he was attached. And I really hurt him because I “played” him. And I have been like bothered by this ever since. During the conversation, I told him I cannot talk to a drunk man seriously and that we would talk when he was sober. I told him I had to go talk to his cousin because I promised I would.
Eventually I went home, and Hunter was so pissed at me. His cousin was outside puking, which I felt awful about but Hunter said he’d take care of him. That was my cue to leave since Hunter and I would have argued the entire time again. But yeah. This is what happened. And #1 told me he wanted to break up earlier this week. Also he came home and been acting weird. FML.
BTW I have done nothing with Hunter.
I know I am with him but sometimes I just want you.
And I want you to want me too.
I wish for your sweet nothings to mean something.
I think I love you.
